The question is Miss S, how do we (yank) acquire one of Tiddly's public's complete with root for forensic examination and elimination purposes. I think this should be a job for one of your staff, considering the vast amount of size medium bright yellow Marigold's that you have been claiming for 

you liked my leopard print PJ's Suzy  

Personally I wear large Marigolds and I don'yt use them for cleaning.......


But enough of that - the pube situation has now become secondary to the more distressing revelation that my constables are now being pawed by all and sundry


I am chief cleaner and if there are truncheons and knobs to be polished I will be the one to do it 

*flicks ash onto the Dame's silk ishafan*   

and as BOSS of the Home Office all the constables will be (under) accountable to me. I'm more than willing that you conduct your own inquiries  after I have (finished) discussed the pube situation with them Miss S. It now seems that we have people wandering willy nilly and rifling through our personal (hunks) papers.... and flicking ash all over the place instead of adhering to the designated smoking area's...in Tiddly's case The Tower 

Asbo'ed 

 As if I haven't got enough to do


I'm claiming a new Dyson on expenses

Seconded, and some more large Marigolds 

You seen the state of it Suzy? It looks as though it's seen better days, and should be replaced by a nice new shag pile one.  Dirty Dick's at the market has some nice ones from cheap £5 stuff  to the REALLY expensive £30 quid imitation real wool ones! 

*crawls out from under desk....blinks loads....disentangles limbs from feather boa....nearly sprains ankle in lush new poledancing shoes...realises that this is the DAY job....hastily changes into more suitabe attire*


Afternoon fellow Important Peeps...


The pubes aren't mine....I'm still smarting from the over vigorous waxing at the new salon....

Whip crack away...whip crack away...ah! hello Chief Whip 

Wanders in.."Where's my tuna!" lifts tail,"Hoi stop looking at my one eye!"

*loads up super soaker- and aims*    

Leaves a deposit and scarpers.....

Blimey...never seen a cat move so quick....or smell sooooooooo bad....where's Miss S when you need her????

She's probably stuffing that smelly old rug on the bonfire  

Helloooo there Foriegn Sec....is all well in the free holiday foreign office?

Great....do ya wanna see my white bits? 

You going to show off the bit under your ring?    

Maybe it wasn't the cat that smelt then....

You mean you still have some??


*makes note never to take job in foreign office due to lack of nudist beaches on visiting agenda*

Had to read that twice!!!!

No you didn't!    

How dare you compare my Persian rug with something like a shag pile 

I am off to the pub quiz, and it's another Conservative Club, Honourable members of our coalition forum government and more particularly  those belonging to the Tory Party...you seem to have an awful lot of clubs and possibly alcoholic problems 

Have fun Dame 

The only time it's a problem is when it runs out....

will do Suzy 



Mrs B 

 The only time it's a problem is when it runs out....

I certainly hope we don't have that problem tonight

Later maybe

Whoops sorry I was out front chatting to the constables  having a fag




*sprays some Febreze*

The bar is open....

Don't mind if I do....Tequilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 

Vodka and fresh orange please, I can't see any behind the bar 

I'll start with some Absinthe please - then I'll try the Brandy - then onto the Cointreau.....*hic*  anterfoon aphlabet boozing is acers      *burp*

I have everything in the cellar and it all comes up on tap....

Please be carefull - absinthe without leave could be risky and you could land up in Wormwood Scrubs (a triple punning posting - beat that!)

I can drink while I'm cleaning can't I?

Not if you are going anywhere near that policeman you can't Evening Coalitionists all

Look at the muck in here....have we BA staff or what? Me (drinks) filing cabinets full of dust