The Forum Coalition Government (situations vacant)

Topics

suzybean

Prime Minister and First Lord of the Treasury Bazzile - (Iron Lady) Conservative
Home Secretary Dame Ann Average - (Wont go far from Home) Labour
Foreign Secretary Suzybean - (Diplomatic Innit) LibDem/Marxist/Leninist
Defence Secratary Zaphod - (Gets to look hard, riding in a tank with loads of medals) Independent
Culture Secretary MrMeatandPotatoPie - (NO MORE PRAWN SARNIES111) Labour
Education Secretary Duckypup - (School Year lasts 1 week) LibDem/Labour
Sports Minister PinkBabe1966 - (Watch out Premier League!) Independent/Labour
Minister for Europe Kaytee - (Champer, chokkies, and patÉ for all the Comrades) Labour/SNP
Chief Whip MrsB - (Nuff Said) Conservative
Spin Doctor in Chief and Bouncer Demantoid (You're not getting in if your name's not down) Labour

you are welcome to find a position that best suits you

Replies sorted oldest to newest

stonksMember

Can I be Minister for the drinks cabinet for Labour please....

5/13/103:34 AM

suzybeanMember

just pop your name on the list stonks, there's no ceromony here

I'm away for a bit.

5/13/103:41 AM

DemantoidMember

I think we need a Communities Secretary (free invites to absolutely everything)

An Employment Secretary (jobs for his/her mates)

A Transport Secretary (where's the Daimler? Those second-class rail passengers might steal my laptop)

And a Housing Secretary (Riiight, can I have first pick of all the second homes those de-selected MPs are having to give up?)

5/13/103:47 AM

Mount Olympus *Olly*Member 10 years

I wanna be Minister for Grumps please...

5/13/103:56 AM

Mount Olympus *Olly*Member 10 years

hang on can I be Speaker. .that way you can't get rid of me unless I resign mwahahahah

5/13/103:57 AM

DemantoidMember

Reference:

hang on can I be Speaker. .that way you can't get rid of me unless I resign mwahahahah

Depends - have you got a snonorous, booming voice that carries, but won't shatter the windows, set off car alarms or wake up the Lords next door? As spinner-in-chief, I've got to think of our public image

5/13/104:07 AM

Former Member

Can I be Minister for Sport please? Then I can appoint John McCririck as my 'special' adviser for horseracing

5/13/104:09 AM

DemantoidMember

Reference:

Can I be Minister for Sport please? Then I can appoint John McCririck as my 'special' adviser for horseracing

I think you'll find Pinkbabe already has that one sewn up. Bet she'd let you take on that particular responsibility of the job though!

5/13/104:11 AM

Queen of the High TeasMember

Can I be Minister Without Portfolio please? I don't want to have any responsibility but I like to sound important.

5/13/104:19 AM

lalMember

Deputy PM for me please.....

5/13/104:23 AM

kattymieowwMember 10 years

I'll be the no.10 moggie,I shall piss and shit eveywhere,scratch the furniture and attack everyone.

5/13/104:25 AM

Garage JoeMember

I'm regrouping.

5/13/104:27 AM

Queen of the High TeasMember

Reference:

I'll be the no.10 moggie,I shall piss and shit eveywhere,scratch the furniture and attack everyone.

I think Maggie Thatcher's probably doing that.

5/13/104:29 AM

DemantoidMember

Reference: QOTHT

I think Maggie Thatcher's probably doing that.

Careful!

5/13/104:33 AM

Mount Olympus *Olly*Member 10 years

Reference:

I might have

I also promise not to do that public speaking hands thing [thumbs pointed up for positivity and hands that look like farm gates and totally stiff and unnatural] that drives me bonkers and takes my attention away from what people are saying..

5/13/104:38 AM

DemantoidMember

Reference:

I might have I also promise not to do that public speaking hands thing [thumbs pointed up for positivity and hands that look like farm gates and totally stiff and unnatural] that drives me bonkers and takes my attention away from what people are saying..

That sounds satisfactory - now all we need to know is, do you look good in tights, garters and a powdered wig?

5/13/104:41 AM

Mount Olympus *Olly*Member 10 years

*coughs nervously*

No Comment

5/13/104:57 AM

suzybeanMember

Reference:

Minister for the Drinks Cabinet Stonks (hic)
Speaker Mount Olympus (scratchy wig and baggy stockings but there till she's dead)
Minister without Portfolio Queen of the High Teas (Bags of Responsibility but does Sod all)
Chancellor of the Exchequer Garage Joe (well it makes sense)
Deputy Prime Minister Lal (gets to look lovingly at Baz)
Number 10 Pussy Kattymieoww (purrs)
GaGa Goodwill Ambassador (in absentia) *deegs* (OH NO YOU DIDENT

5/13/105:15 AM

MargueritaMember

Reference:

GaGa Goodwill Ambassador (in absentia) *deegs*

5/13/105:31 AM

Garage JoeMember

I was happier regrouping and plotting. However if you insist......
**Removes tax from North-East France sparkling wines. VAT unchanged. 50% Income tax rates for earnings in excess of 100 kilopoond. 10p on a litre of petrol. etc. **

5/13/105:40 AM

jacksonbMember

i would like to be THE COPPER ON THE DOOR please, with special responsibility for sticking my foot out.

5/13/105:40 AM

MargueritaMember

Reference:Suzybean

Bazzile - (Iron Lady)

Baz for PM

5/13/105:41 AM

suzybeanMember

Bravo The People's Chancellor. Our Spin Doctor will be back soon to make it user friendly to Lords Ashcroft and Paul.

5/13/105:43 AM

suzybeanMember

Reference:

Prime Minister and First Lord of the Treasury Bazzile - (Iron Lady) Conservative Home Secretary Dame Ann Average - (Wont go far from Home) Labour Foreign Secretary Suzybean - (Diplomatic Innit) LibDem/Marxist/Leninist Defence Secratary Zaphod - (Gets to look hard, riding in a tank with loads of medals) Independent Culture Secretary MrMeatandPotatoPie - (NO MORE PRAWN SARNIES111) Labour Education Secretary Duckypup - (School Year lasts 1 week) LibDem/Labour Sports Minister PinkBabe1966 - (Watch out Premier League!) Independent/Labour Minister for Europe Kaytee - (Champer, chokkies, and paté for all the Comrades) Labour/SNP Chief Whip MrsB - (Nuff Said) Conservative Spin Doctor in Chief and Bouncer Demantoid (You're not getting in if your name's not down) Labour Minister for the Drinks Cabinet Stonks (hic) Speaker Mount Olympus (scratchy wig and baggy stockings but there till she's dead) Minister without Portfolio Queen of the High Teas (Bags of Responsibility but does Sod all) Chancellor of the Exchequer Garage Joe (well it makes sense) Deputy Prime Minister Lal (gets to look lovingly at Baz) Number 10 Pussy Kattymieoww (purrs) GaGa Goodwill Ambassador (in absentia) *deegs* (OH NO YOU DIDENT

Old Bill Jackson B ('ello 'ello 'ello)

5/13/105:44 AM

Garage JoeMember

..... 'n nee mor tax on woodies.

5/13/106:38 AM

DemantoidMember

Reference:

GaGa Goodwill Ambassador (in absentia) *deegs*

5/13/106:39 AM

stonksMember

Reference:

Minister for the Drinks Cabinet Stonks (hic) Speaker Mount Olympus (scratchy wig and baggy stockings but there till she's dead) Minister without Portfolio Queen of the High Teas (Bags of Responsibility but does Sod all) Chancellor of the Exchequer Garage Joe (well it makes sense) Deputy Prime Minister Lal (gets to look lovingly at Baz) Number 10 Pussy Kattymieoww (purrs) GaGa Goodwill Ambassador (in absentia) *deegs* (OH NO YOU DIDENT

5/13/106:57 AM

Former Member

Can I be the small Titter that occasionally runs around the bike sheds benches?

5/13/107:14 AM

Blizz'ardMember 10 years

Can I have a seat in the other place.

I fancy a snooze.

5/13/107:52 AM

KayteeMember 10 years

Reference:

Can I have a seat in the other place.

Countess, Baroness or Duchess???? Before the Lords is abolished

5/13/109:11 AM

stonksMember

Right the bar is open and free to all who earn £100,000 or over a year..we can't be worrying over silly things like bar bills when there's so much more to claim for....

5/13/109:20 AM

KayteeMember 10 years

Woo Hoo....free booze

........there will be free snacks courtesy of the EU.
Menu.....Prawn sandwiches (Iceland)
Sausages on sticks (Denmark)......stuck into an orange (Spain)
cheeseboard.....nicked from everywhere
Sour grapes......France

5/13/109:27 AM

squiggleMember 10 years

Is the position of Cultural Attache still vacant please, I intend to model myself on Sir Les Patterson and I feel I can make a good case for it, attache geddit?

5/13/109:35 AM

Former Member

No!

5/13/109:45 AM

Former Member

Hahahaha kidding!

5/13/109:47 AM

stonksMember

Reference:

Woo Hoo....free booze........there will be free snacks courtesy of the EU. Menu.....Prawn sandwiches (Iceland) Sausages on sticks (Denmark)......stuck into an orange (Spain) cheeseboard.....nicked from everywhere Sour grapes......France

5/13/109:51 AM

Smarting ButtocksMember

Reference:Blizzie

Can I have a seat in the other place. I fancy a snooze.

Only if you are non dom. Or are the current holder of a Blue Peter badge.

5/13/109:59 AM

Smarting ButtocksMember

Reference:stonks

Right the bar is open and free to all who earn £100,000 or over a year..we can't be worrying over silly things like bar bills when there's so much more to claim for....

Ah the freeloading has started already.

5/13/1010:00 AM

stonksMember

Reference:

Ah the freeloading has started already.

One freeloading coming up..its cocktail hour....

5/13/1010:05 AM

Queen of the High TeasMember

Do I need to vote on anything yet?

5/13/1010:18 AM

Garage JoeMember

Is Iceland in the EU? : pedantic :

5/13/1010:34 AM

CroctacusMember

I'll be Transport Mininster....riding round in me husbands Taxi (and paying him on expenses) whilst leaving the dirty smelly public transport for the rest of you!

5/13/1010:48 AM

Garage JoeMember

My bike does not smell.

5/13/1010:49 AM

Blizz'ardMember 10 years

Reference: Smarting

Only if you are non dom.

Well, I'm not submissive, but I think I'd still qualify.
Unlike our Chief Whip!

5/13/1010:50 AM

Jen-StarMember VIP10 yearsModerator

I want to be minister for cake and chocolate (for the next few months anyway) please.

5/13/1010:51 AM

CroctacusMember

Reference:

My bike does not smell.

Absorbant seat cover?

5/13/1010:55 AM

Garage JoeMember

If you are using forum parliamentary privelege to suggest that I "snarf" Mrs Joe's "selle royale" I may challenge you to a duel.

5/13/1010:59 AM

CroctacusMember

Prawn sarnies at 20 paces?

5/13/1011:01 AM

stonksMember

Reference:

Is Iceland in the EU? : pedantic :

No its up the high street next to Poundland....

5/13/1011:12 AM

Garage JoeMember

Reference:

Prawn sarnies at 20 paces?

You know that I would run a mile away from sea-filth.

5/13/1011:23 AM

JamesMember

Iwant to be the minister to Potty Pirates Arrrgh.. I can scrape the barnicles from yer bottoms

If not that I want to be Minister of silly voices...

5/13/1011:25 AM

CroctacusMember

Oh me too....if it swims i don't eat it!

5/13/1011:26 AM

Garage JoeMember

I've had a Mr Chris Grayling on the telephone asking if he can be Minister for musicals?

5/13/1011:33 AM

Comrade OgilvyMember

Can I be forumner without portfolio ?

5/13/1012:11 PM

KayteeMember 10 years

Reference: Joe

Is Iceland in the EU? : pedantic :

stop nit picking...I'm the Europe Minister, so how the hell would I know....it might be

5/13/1012:17 PM

MrsBMember

*grabs all the prawn sarnies...wearing latex gloves due to allergy...and shoves them under the seats in the sleeping quarters lordy house....hopes the smell will disguise the aroma of old mans' pee-pee*

5/13/1012:18 PM

KayteeMember 10 years

Oi!....put those sarnies back...or I'll have to mug an Embassy for some sardines

5/13/1012:22 PM

MrsBMember

Reference:

I'll have to mug an Embassy for some sardines

Aren't they the places that have pyramids of Ferrero Rocher all over the place?? Grab some of them too KT....I can use them for target practise when the old duffers nod off with their gobs open.....

5/13/1012:25 PM

KayteeMember 10 years

Your wish is my command Mrs B.....*unloads white van of Ferrero Rocher.....shoves the ambassador back in.....*x

5/13/1012:57 PM

BazMember VIP10 years

PMSL Suzy

5/13/1012:58 PM

BazMember VIP10 years

OMG.... what are you lot like

5/13/101:00 PM

KayteeMember 10 years

Good Evening Prime Minister

5/13/101:01 PM

stonksMember

Reference:

*unloads white van of Ferrero Rocher.....shoves the ambassador back in.....*x

Aaaagh AKT..you are really spoiling us....

5/13/101:06 PM

BazMember VIP10 years

LMAO... Good evening Foreign Minister

*where's my pressie?*

5/13/101:06 PM

darloboy (Play The Game!)Member

I'll be Pinkbabe's outrageous assistant

, if not then a place in Education Cabinet will fulfill my responsibilities...

5/13/101:21 PM

Starfleet Admiral hoochieMember 10 years

As a representative of the Lounge Bus Stop party I feel my lateness to this thread fully demonstrates my qualifications to be Minister for Public Transport ...... please

5/13/101:22 PM

BazMember VIP10 years

Reference:

As a representative of the Lounge Bus Stop party I feel my lateness to this thread fully demonstrates my qualifications to be Minister for Public Transport ...... please

Granted Hoochie..... but please remember, the PM get's *first past the conductor* on the bus

5/13/101:24 PM

BazMember VIP10 years

Reference:

I'll be Pinkbabe's outrageous assistant, if not then a place in Education Cabinet will fulfill my responsibilities...

I was thinking Minister for Youth and Soaps Darlo

5/13/101:24 PM

darloboy (Play The Game!)Member

Lets ambush the Queen Vic.

5/13/101:25 PM

darloboy (Play The Game!)Member

Reference:

Minister for Youth

Ooh yes love that title

5/13/101:26 PM

BazMember VIP10 years

I will get Suzy to put you on the list

5/13/101:27 PM

scatterbyMember 10 years

All Hail Prime Minister baz - we are not worthy

Can I be deputy?

5/13/101:28 PM

kattymieowwMember 10 years

Leaves a small deposit outside litter tray.

5/13/101:28 PM

KayteeMember 10 years

Reference: BAZ

LMAO... Good evening Foreign Minister *where's my pressie?*

I have provided snacks and a van full of Ferrero Rocher so far tonight Prime Minister......I can do you a week in Benidorm courtesy of the Spanish lot..if you like

5/13/101:32 PM

Starfleet Admiral hoochieMember 10 years

Reference:Baz

Granted Hoochie..... but please remember, the PM get's *first past the conductor* on the bus

errm I'm a Bus Stopper not a liberal!!

5/13/101:32 PM

darloboy (Play The Game!)Member

Baz is in charge of organising the Coach Trip

5/13/101:33 PM

BazMember VIP10 years

Reference:

All Hail Prime Minister baz - we are not worthy Can I be deputy?

LOL.... it seems that post has already been filled Scatt.... How about Deputy to the Deputy

5/13/101:33 PM

scatterbyMember 10 years

Reference:

LOL.... it seems that post has already been filled Scatt.... How about Deputy to the Deputy

I'll settle for that - as long as I have some power I don't care

5/13/101:34 PM

BazMember VIP10 years

Reference:

Leaves a small deposit outside litter tray.

*shoves Katty back out through the cat flap*

5/13/101:34 PM

BazMember VIP10 years

Reference:

I have provided snacks and a van full of Ferrero Rocher so far tonight Prime Minister......I can do you a week in Benidorm courtesy of the Spanish lot..if you lik

*if Kaytee thinks that will suffice a Leo.... then maybe I had better consider a Cabinet re-shuffle*

5/13/101:35 PM

scatterbyMember 10 years

Ooo yes - I'm Deputy to Deputy lal

5/13/101:35 PM

BazMember VIP10 years

Reference:

errm I'm a Bus Stopper not a liberal!!

5/13/101:36 PM

KayteeMember 10 years

Reference: BAZ

*if Kaytee thinks that will suffice a Leo.... then maybe I had better consider a Cabinet re-shuffle*

"thinks......* OK....I was saving this for later, for advanced crawling purposes....but that nice Dutch Euro Minister let me have a very nice soltaire diamond ring...have it now *she said grovellingly

5/13/101:43 PM

BazMember VIP10 years

Reference:

..but that nice Dutch Euro Minister let me have a very nice soltaire diamond ring...have it now *she said grovellingly

Now, that's more like it....... *especially the grovelling*

5/13/101:45 PM

KayteeMember 10 years

This freebie hunting is getting difficult.....* goes off to phone around and blag some stuff*

5/13/101:49 PM

BazMember VIP10 years

Reference:

This freebie hunting is getting difficult.....* goes off to phone around and blag some stuff*

LMAO

5/13/101:49 PM

Starfleet Admiral hoochieMember 10 years

Reference:kaytee

This freebie hunting is getting difficult.....* goes off to phone around and blag some stuff*

I'm not sure that the principles of Bus Stoppism will allow me to remain part of this party - our principles of full-blown coercion and extortion will not sit easily beside this watered down approach to achieving forum domination.... i may have to take follow my principles and go into opposition

5/13/101:58 PM

KayteeMember 10 years

Well you'll have to wait for your bribe Hoochie.....I have the French Ambassador locked in my basement as we speak.
However, if you have principles (what they?), perhaps the Opposition is the place for you

5/13/102:02 PM

BazMember VIP10 years

Reference:

Ok... well you could designate yourself Leader of the Opposition.....

5/13/102:02 PM

lalMember

Evening PM....

...<waves frantically>

When is PM's question time?.....

5/13/102:04 PM

BazMember VIP10 years

Evening Deputy PM Lal

I don't think it's been decided yet..... I think we will need a meeting of the Cabinet..... *just as long as we don't have to do that silly voting thingy*

5/13/102:10 PM

lalMember

I just wanted to ask....as I'm a deputy will i get a badge???........

5/13/102:12 PM

BazMember VIP10 years

Reference:

I just wanted to ask....as I'm a deputy will i get a badge???........

No.... but you can have a blue and yellow rosette if you want...... and a big house in the country.... How's that?

5/13/102:16 PM

Starfleet Admiral hoochieMember 10 years

Reference: baz

Ok... well you could designate yourself Leader of the Opposition.....

err can you outline the policies I need to oppose when I prepare my manifesto, or should I just concentrate on honing my technique of looking sincere into a TV camera?

5/13/102:21 PM

BazMember VIP10 years

Reference:

err can you outline the policies I need to oppose when I prepare my manifesto, or should I just concentrate on honing my technique of looking sincere into a TV camera?

Can you do sincere ??? If not, then I would concentrate your energies on shouting across the floor of the House

5/13/102:23 PM

KayteeMember 10 years

Policies? what are policies.....do we really have to have those?

I've thumb screwed a villa in France from the French...freebie for the first Minister to bung me a brown envelope stuffed with cash

5/13/102:27 PM

BazMember VIP10 years

Reference:

olicies? what are policies.....do we really have to have those?

Nah.... I really don't think those are needed.. do you...?

Unless it's that all Leo's have extra tax breaks, and pensions......

5/13/102:29 PM

KayteeMember 10 years

I can do a lot for Leos in Europe, but the Iron Chancellor, Joe Von Garage may have to be persuaded

.....Oh good, I have no policies except paying less to Europe and divvying it up among the deserving...i.e. us

5/13/102:33 PM

lalMember

Oh! really wanted a shiny badge

..But..... a rossette and big house in the country will do.....

5/13/102:34 PM

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