Jam their doorstep 

 

During the middle of the night, when they are asleep, sneak out with a pot of jam (I suggest strawberry) and spread it all over their front door step.  Then sit back and laugh evilly as they get invaded by ants!

 

Mwhahaha...mwhahahahahaha...MWHAHAHAHAHAHA *cough* 

is he off again?

ohhh ants we have an abundance of ants round here

 

and yes, hes off again. Today they have put plastic over the drain (that we share its underneath the fence) so that my water cant go down it, so i have gone out with a craft knife and sliced off the bit that is in my side of the garden and moved their car into the space i had just moved out of on their way to get the bus

borrow a cat - they love to s*** on their neighbours garden !  i had the neighbours from hell but all what they did was illegal - other than ordering lots of holiday brochures/tenna lady free samples/free post offers ect

i was thinking of a massive barky dog and i hate dogs...but i hate them more

 

however a cat ... I love cats

The drain thing - if they attempt anything like that again, speak to environmental health for advice The knock you out thing.. what a ratbag! If he threatens you again, report him.

plant some conifers? or something that sheds leaves (in their direction)

Best way to annoy him is just to smile and act all Pollyanna

we tried that with our ex neighbours - they just upped the ante

Yeah the knock you out incident was reported to the police but it wasnt me he said it to directly. and unfortunately the sun is there side so any big trees i plant will just rob me of light.

 

THey are so so anal, they had a go at the postman once because he stepped over their wall instead of opening the gate and then closing the gate again. The wall is all of 2 foot high and the garden completely paved

Move music system next to the adjoining wall, faces speakers to the wall, blast AC/DC on repeat and go then out for the day 

 

I did that to a neighbour from hell years ago. 

ohhh, its about time i took a greater interest in music... i could keel them slowly with take that

See, I would like that , Cinds

Our neighbours have their central heating boiler in an outhouse outside the bedroom.. rips my knittin cause it hums and rattles all the time , and keeps going on and off.. something like that would pee them off. Plug your fridge in next to their bedroom and turn it up full!

I would too, I'd probably go round to see if they would turn it up louder.

Or... and links don't seem to work for me, you might need to copy the link..

 

play this....

 

Well i never.. .it works

 

CAUTION... i can't remember if there's any swearies in that ^^^ and I've no speakers here - tell me if I need to delete it!

Smile and wave at them with the biggest happiest grin you can, it pees people off more than anything!

But it might kill the wabbits

Sing, loudly..... at 3 in the morning.

Is it legal to leave poo poo outside patio doors? 

  

Cat shit drives his nibbs mental. We have resorted to getting a couple of surround sounds with the bass turned up high, ac/dc black ice turned up loud as we leave for work. But the one that drove them to breaking point was the lawnmower on the deck while we were inside watching tv.

Imagine the embarrassment  if they came out and caught you squatting there with your pants around your ankles. 

Get a camel and teach it to fart through their letterbox. 

So, don't wear pants? 

1..Flaming shit bag..get a dog poo or any poo put it in a paper bag and put it on their doorstep..light it, ring the bell and run....watch from a distance as he comes out and stamps the flames out....

 

2..Clout nails..take 2..1 inch clout nails put one directly infront of the rear tyre and one directly behind the rear tyre that way you can't miss, remove spare when he leaves..takes around 3 days for the tyre to go down and the head wears away so no evidence is left....

 

3..Oil..get some old engine oil and when his car is directly outside his house go out and poor a bit under the front of his car..it will drove him mental trying to find where his oil leak is coming from....

 

4..Sign him up for every annoying thing that comes through as junk mail..Doctors surgery's are good places to find such crap....

oOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh you're good at this

 

 

*** decides never to live near stonks *** 

But at least you'll know where to look when the mysterious oil leak appears.

 

 

....and when to move!

How about giving their name and address to all the junk and spam mail companies you can get hold of....?

 

Do you know their telephone number...? 

 

Wait for them to put their washing out and light a bonfire/BBQ.

 

wind chimes

Oh.. that wins for me.   What kind of evil thought of them....

I love to hear wind chimes ,my neighbour not so much.

She did mention to me that she could hear mine throughout the night ,she is a light sleeper ,she also sleeps with her window slightly opened.

I had no idea that this was a problem ,I took mine down immediately,she is such a good neighbour.

Had she not been......  

Flapping tarpaulin

 

Leylandii

 

If they're a football, royal wedding fan etc, be sure to mow or strim the lawn when whatever they like is on, if they've got terrestrial TV the mower or strimmer is bound to cause incessant electro/mechanical interference. 

 

Churn up soil a bit and pour small mounds of earth directly over and liberally all over the garden on a regular basis that will give the impression of mole hills.  Watch in amusement as they go out and buy poisons, traps and those mole deterring windmill things (the more expensive the better) for no reason.

 

 

 

 

tee  hee hee   you lot have turned me into potentially the most annoying neighbour in the UK Loving the suggestions and more than one of them are very possible to do I may buy a wind chime or two today when im out and about

Smear dogshit under their car doorhandles

ohhh