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Ive tried yoga, but i find stress less boring.



I adore political parties. They are the only place left to us where people don't talk politics.


When you get to my age life seems little more than one long march to and from the lavatory.


A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. (I had this one as my sig on channel 4).



I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are still missing




Hagar the horrible : "A Viking never admits he's wrong and NEVER apologieses."

Lucky Eddie: "I'm sorry, I didn't know."


I always take my wife morning tea in my pyjamas. But is she grateful? No, she says she'd rather have it in a cup.



Couldn't stop a pig in a passage! 



How can I miss you when you won't go away



The only reason my wife has an orgasm, is so she'll have something else to moan about.


As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two... 



A pigs ear out of a sows summit or ther lol ? 












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