"Buzzing Undies make shopper faint"

Only the best stories muf  It was probably Vi in Asda 

"Buzzing Undies make shopper faint"

It is very small print - does it say where she got them 

*puffs out chest*

Looking gooood Dazzy boy.

It is very small print - does it say where she got them 

Because I always check out my reports, you'll find them in any sleazy good sex shop and they are called Passion Pants 

i sell 'em-outta the back of me van

*makes note*

There's a lot of that going on.

Well I'm back reporting for the Daily Sin after my freelance stint in on a crab boat in the Bearing Sea, the bigger the crabs got the quicker I needed to get home!

There will be a few new names dazzling you with their performances over the next couple of weeks, there will be loads of writhing going on and that's just Vi's knickers .

The Sin pays minimum wages good bucks for gossip good reporting, so feel free to join us here at Sins news desk.

I will be introducing you to some of the stars as the night progresses. The first scoop was with Dazzler Duck, who I'm sure will bowl you over with his charm and talent for spinning his balls 

So....what do you wanna know?  I don't give that many interviews....me being just a down to earth, lad next door, (but bloody good looking and stunningly talented) sporting hero.  I'm not really one for the celebrity lifestyle....

*checks Blackberry for text from Max Clifford*

...er....where were we?

Oh yeah..... Dance Factor. It's been such a journey! Some would say a rollercoaster. I never would have guessed that my spectacular prowess on the cricket pitch would transfer so beautifully to a devastatingly dazzling performance on the dance floor.  It's all thanks to Wilma of course. She's been an incredible mentor to me.....I couldn't have had a better teacher.  *bites lip and wells up but in a manly way of course*

*coughs*

The final is going to be such a thrill.....we have an amazing routine planned that's going to knock everyone's socks off! Watch out Reeda and Emmanuel......forget the judges scores.....we have the voting public on our side......and you two are going out for a duck!  

Erm...that's a cricketing term for all you ladies. 

I've heard all bout your van 

ave ya gorrem in size 10 

Just read the garbage Dazzler, and believe me you have got some serious competition with Emmanuel and me. Can he strut his stuff, with his moves and my legs around him... we know we're the stars of of the show

It is very small print - does it say where she got them 

size 6-22

i lurve the 22

summat to grab hold of

Don't get your buzzing undies in a twist Reeda! You know what these celebrity journalists are like .....they get so excited in the presence of us famous types, their brains go all fuzzy and they start writing all sorts of half truths. I was misquoted!

Swap the "d" for an "f" and it's much closer to the truth.

Bit of an adventurer huh 

i dabble lol

to me-every woman-no matter her size-is beautiful in her own way

i draw the f*cking line at a size 40 lol

size 6-22

i lurve the 22

summat to grab hold of

Don't get your buzzing undies in a twist Reeda! You know what these celebrity journalists are like .....they get so excited in the presence of us famous types, their brains go all fuzzy and they start writing all sorts of half truths. I was misquoted!

Swap the "d" for an "f" and it's much closer to the truth.

Need a cleaner for your offices Dame?

you're on Stocking, and no dust

I'll start tonight  next week

meet me outside for a fag and we'll discuss bonuses and expenses 

I'll make a list of my demands and set out my salary/working conditions

Just get yer mop out and get cracking 

And don't mind me... I won't be looking over your shoulder at the "exclusives" 

I'll be as discreet as I was at number ten  

meet me outside for a fag and we'll discuss bonuses and expenses 

Did someone ask for a fag sweetie