Heres a bit of back ground as to why im feeling the way i am
I have suffered from depression since I was 15. I was only diagnosed at 21. At the time I was just starting to go through a complete mental breakdown. The day I was prescribed antidepressants, I didn't have the money to pay for the prescription so I kept the prescription in my bag ready for pay day when I could afford them. That night I was involved in a car crash in which the car flooded. I don’t know what happened to my prescription, I can only assume it floated away. The next day I was again at the doctors after my mum called them to say she wanted to have me sectioned. The doctors sent me straight to the local mental health hospital to be interviewed. At this stage I was still thinking straight and knew I had to convince these people I was ok and not a danger to myself or I would be staying there till they felt I was ok. And so I convinced this guy and his assistant i was fine and I left after a few hours. That night after another heated row with my parents who I was living with at the time, I took a overdose. I ended up in hospital for 4 days on a drip.
Once I returned home there was no improvement in my mental state but I had realised the overdose was a mistake and I would actually like to try and get better. I didn't return to the doctors, instead I decided the first thing to do was change everything in my life that I felt was making me unhappy. That was everything from moving out my parents home, finding a new job, leaving my current bank, getting over an ex, and reconnecting with family and friends that I had lost touch with or drifted apart from. I cant even begin to describe how difficult this was but I managed it and I gained a lot of self respect back knowing that I had managed to at least start turning my life around and that I was fighting depression and I was determined not to let it drag me down. I had my good days and my bad day and I pretty much remained suicidal for about 6 months, but I took each day as it came and slowly I started to feel a little better.
That was 3 years ago and in those 3 years iv gotten to know my depression well. I recognise certain triggers that set off my depression so I do all I can to avoid them. But even on the days when it just takes over, I have learned to ride it out. I have also managed to do this without anyone who didn’t know previously finding out. I think people can be very judgemental when it comes to depression. Anyway the problem recently seems to be iv lost my fighting spirit. There is a lot of things going on in my life at the moment that are up in the air and it scares me that im not going to be able to cope if/when it all comes crashing down. Its hard to explain how im feeling at the mo but I feel fine/normal when im at work or with friends and family, but the second I am on my own my mood comes crashing down. I dont want to see or speak to anyone. All I want to do is curl up in bed in the hope this feeling will go away. Obviously it’s not working. I spoke to the doctor recently, explained how I felt but also that it would mean more to me to get better without the help of antidepressants so there was not a lot he could do for me except to say if I felt things were not improving the option of antidepressants is always there.
Basically im torn. At first it wasn't a descion not to take antidepressants but as time went on and I felt I was taking control of my own life, I decided it would be better for me to manage my own depression. But now I feel deflated. Do I hang on in there in the hope I start feeling back to my normal strong self, or start taking antidepressants knowing they are no short term solution and I could be on them for years to come?
I have suffered from depression since I was 15. I was only diagnosed at 21. At the time I was just starting to go through a complete mental breakdown. The day I was prescribed antidepressants, I didn't have the money to pay for the prescription so I kept the prescription in my bag ready for pay day when I could afford them. That night I was involved in a car crash in which the car flooded. I don’t know what happened to my prescription, I can only assume it floated away. The next day I was again at the doctors after my mum called them to say she wanted to have me sectioned. The doctors sent me straight to the local mental health hospital to be interviewed. At this stage I was still thinking straight and knew I had to convince these people I was ok and not a danger to myself or I would be staying there till they felt I was ok. And so I convinced this guy and his assistant i was fine and I left after a few hours. That night after another heated row with my parents who I was living with at the time, I took a overdose. I ended up in hospital for 4 days on a drip.
Once I returned home there was no improvement in my mental state but I had realised the overdose was a mistake and I would actually like to try and get better. I didn't return to the doctors, instead I decided the first thing to do was change everything in my life that I felt was making me unhappy. That was everything from moving out my parents home, finding a new job, leaving my current bank, getting over an ex, and reconnecting with family and friends that I had lost touch with or drifted apart from. I cant even begin to describe how difficult this was but I managed it and I gained a lot of self respect back knowing that I had managed to at least start turning my life around and that I was fighting depression and I was determined not to let it drag me down. I had my good days and my bad day and I pretty much remained suicidal for about 6 months, but I took each day as it came and slowly I started to feel a little better.
That was 3 years ago and in those 3 years iv gotten to know my depression well. I recognise certain triggers that set off my depression so I do all I can to avoid them. But even on the days when it just takes over, I have learned to ride it out. I have also managed to do this without anyone who didn’t know previously finding out. I think people can be very judgemental when it comes to depression. Anyway the problem recently seems to be iv lost my fighting spirit. There is a lot of things going on in my life at the moment that are up in the air and it scares me that im not going to be able to cope if/when it all comes crashing down. Its hard to explain how im feeling at the mo but I feel fine/normal when im at work or with friends and family, but the second I am on my own my mood comes crashing down. I dont want to see or speak to anyone. All I want to do is curl up in bed in the hope this feeling will go away. Obviously it’s not working. I spoke to the doctor recently, explained how I felt but also that it would mean more to me to get better without the help of antidepressants so there was not a lot he could do for me except to say if I felt things were not improving the option of antidepressants is always there.
Basically im torn. At first it wasn't a descion not to take antidepressants but as time went on and I felt I was taking control of my own life, I decided it would be better for me to manage my own depression. But now I feel deflated. Do I hang on in there in the hope I start feeling back to my normal strong self, or start taking antidepressants knowing they are no short term solution and I could be on them for years to come?
)
