This is an invaluable guide......for those of you that are planning to venture into darkest depths of Essex .

alma chizzit? - A request to find the cost of an item 

amant - Quantity; sum total ("Thez a yuge amant of mud in Saffend") 

assband - Unable to leave the house because of illness, disability etc 

awss - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely lost ("That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver t'day") 

branna - More brown than on a previous occasion ("Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, ave you been on sunbed?") 

cort a panda - A rather large hamburger 

Dan in the maff - Unhappy ("Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bit Dan in the maff") 

eye-eels - Women's shoes 

Furrock - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre 

garrij - A building where a car is kept or repaired(Trace: "Oi, Darren, I fink the motah needs at go in the garrij cos it aint working proper") 

Ibeefa - Balaeric holiday island 

lafarjik - Lacking in energy ("I feel all lafarjik") 

OI OI! - Traditional greeting. Often heard from the doorway of pubs or during banging dance tunes at clubs 

paipa - The Sun, The Mirror or The Sport 

reband - The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a lover ("I couldn't elp it, I wuz on the reband from Craig") 

Saffend - Essex coastal resort boasting the longest pleasure pier in the world. The place where the characters from TV's, popular soap opera, Eastenders go on holiday 

tan - The city of London, the big smoke ("Darren, i'm goin up tan to visit Shaz") 

webbats - Querying the location something or someone is. ("Webbats is me dole card Trace? I've gotta sign on in arf hour") 

wonnid - 1. Desired, needed. 2. Wonnid by the police 

zaggerate - To suggest that something is bigger or better than it actually is. ("I told ya a fazzand times already")