So - if you could go back to any age - what age would it be?
How about you Renton ?
This is how I'd react if I could see my Mum again
A little boy was sitting on the footpath with a bottle of Turpentine. He was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles.
A Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.
The little boy said, 'This is the most powerful liquid in the world; it's called Turpentine.'
The Priest said, 'No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you rub it on a pregnant woman's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby.'
The little boy replied, 'If you rub turpentine on a cat's arse, he'll pass a Harley Davidson!'
Son took his father to a restaurant to enjoy a delicious dinner. His father is quite old and therefore also a little helpless. While he was eating, from time to time food fell on his shirt and pants. Other customers looked at the old man with distorted faces, but his son remained calm. After they both finished eating, the son quietly helped his father and took him to the toilet. Cleaned the food residue off his wrinkled face and tried to wash the food stains off his clothes, kindly combed his grey hair and finally put on his glasses.
When they left the restaurant toilet, a deep silence reigned. His son paid the bill, but just before they left, a man, also an adult, got up and asked the old man's son: "Don't you think you left something here?"
The young man answered: -I haven't left anything!
Then the stranger said to him: - You left here a lesson for every son and hope for every father!
The entire restaurant was so quiet you could hear a pin drop!
One of the greatest honors that exist is to be able to care for those who have cared for us. Our parents and all the elderly who have sacrificed their lives and all their time, money and efforts for us deserve our utmost respect!
A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled.
The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man.
"No way! No needles! I hate needles!" the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects. "I can't do the gas thing - the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!"
The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill. "No,"- the patient says, -"I am fine with pills".
The dentist returns and says, "Here is a Viagra tablet."
The patient says, "Wow - I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain pill!"
"It doesn't,"- said the dentist -"but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull out your tooth."
@slimfern posted:A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled.The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man."No way! No needles! I hate needles!" the patient said.The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects. "I can't do the gas thing - the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!"The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill. "No,"- the patient says, -"I am fine with pills".The dentist returns and says, "Here is a Viagra tablet."The patient says, "Wow - I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain pill!""It doesn't,"- said the dentist -"but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull out your tooth."
Gentlemen.....a heartfelt plea from pub landladies everywhere....
If your tummy is too large,
Or your willy is too small,
If your aim is just so sloppy
That you couldn't hit the wall,
Please remember us lasses,
As you piddle on the floor,
Have a sit down wee,
Behind a locking door.
How I sighed as I mopped,
Though I love you like a mum,
But I'm here to serve a pint,
Not to wipe your bum!
It's really so unpleasant,
It's not rock and roll or punk,
Please don't leave stinky puddles,
Please learn to aim your junk.
Thank you!
Wee Shall Overcome xxx
